In screenplay writing there’s something called characterization. That’s when a character only shows what they want everyone to know, or to think about them, until they get put under pressure in the story, and then they can’t help but reveal their true selves. It’s authentic to human behavior.

This next story is very hard to believe, especially if you’ve met Stephanie Warncke, a/k/a Zoe Warncke, a/k/a dominatrix Domina Hera. If you did, you would say, “I don’t believe you!” “you’re crazy”, and I get that, because she’s charming, charismatic, pretty, highly intelligent, funny, interesting and cosmopolitan. She’s an impressive orator, has many accolades, and a prestigious resume of accomplishments, giving her credibility as a public figure and as a person of notoriety. I fell for her “Zoe” persona who she wants everyone to see. So it’s very strange that there are a lot of things she said about herself upon investigation I discovered were not true at all. She’s gone to incredible lengths, and expended enormous energies to tell a very detailed false narrative and anecdotes of her larger-than-life backstory. No Zoe is not her real name.

Why are you writing this?

Because Stephanie is actively attempting to ruin my life and reputation. I felt compelled to respond. Writing this doesn’t really solve anything between me and her. However, I want to publicly discredit her for all her malicious lies and the damage her bitterness has caused. I’m sorry it had to come to this, but I had to vindicate myself on record in case of my death.

Stephanie “Zoe” Warncke and I married in August of 2010. After years of manipulation games, years of being taken for granted, I lost hope and let go of the idea of ever being happy with her. On August 1, 2023, I did us both a favor. I left our home and marriage of 13 years, and moved onto a family member’s couch, which made me homeless. As painful as it was, we both now had a shot at happiness again. I wouldn’t be writing this if Stephanie just went on with her life. Unfortunately, that did not happen.

When I left she revealed her true self. Stephanie no longer could control me, so she tried to control everyone around me. Since then, she has gone out on a campaign to ruin my life. She’s called many of my friends, colleagues, relatives, and acquaintances, and she told them I was abusive; a “kick the dog” kind of abuser, and a sadistic mastermind gas lighter, right out of a movie, saying horrible ugly things about me that I can’t even repeat they are so offensive. Stephanie’s mind comes up with some sick shit. She declared all this literally as she hopped on a plane to leave New York City permanently to go back to Germany on August 10, 2023, ten days after I left her.

Stephanie will not relent. She threatens both my life and my legacy. Immediately after I left her, her attempts to destroy me began to take a toll, as friends and relatives reported what she had been saying. I lost several fair-weather friends. A friend said, she raised a “get Michael” army. A person cursed me out on the phone and then hung up on me. People on social media blocked me. Life felt surreal. I began to doubt my own sanity, as though I were trapped in an episode of the Twilight Zone—living my worst nightmare. I was traumatized and on the verge of a nervous breakdown until a couple of friends finally told me, “Michael, we don’t believe her.” I wept with relief, and for the first time in a long while, I felt hope again.

I will no longer sit back and allow her vague venomous whisperings to continue to go unanswered. Today, all one must do is to accuse someone, and the damage is done, whether true or not. If she wants to tell lies about me, well okay, I’m going to tell everyone the truth about her. She has it coming.

I ask those who’ve cut ties with me without talking to me about it first, ask yourselves this:

• Is there anything besides her word, that would substantiate her claims?
• Are there any police reports? 
• Are there any hospital reports? 
• How come there’s no evidence, photos or documentation?
• Is there any one to corroborate, firsthand witnesses? Complaining neighbors?
• In 13 years, she did not attempt to get a job and save money to leave.
• Why did she stay for 13 years?

Apply these bullet points to all of Stephanie’s stories, anecdotes and personal celebrity relationship stories, not just the stories about me. No proof, just her word. She seems to take one truth then manufactures a story around it.

One of the things Stephanie told everyone, when I left her is that I got an STD from a trans escort. That story is actually true. She only knew about the STD because I told her. Stephanie and I haven’t had sex for probably 11 years during our marriage. She didn’t care if I had an STD. In telling people she’s just trying to embarrass me.

We came to an understanding in the last couple of years together. She said I can have sex outside the marriage but only with guys. I didn’t like that option very much, but I agreed. On Grindr I discovered trans girls and trans men. I started seeing a gorgeous trans girl escort, who I met on the App. She gave me all the things that I was starving for, like passion, romance, and attention. Just lying in bed, talking and connecting after sex was something I missed so much. When I was at her place, it was one of the rare occasions in life where I could say, there was no place on earth I’d rather be right now. I fell in love with her. I felt, this is who I’m supposed to be. It changed me forever.

I left my phone unlocked one morning, and Stephanie went through my Grindr account and saw all the trans girls I was chatting with. She demanded I stop seeing trans women, but It was too late. There was no way I was giving this up. I clearly couldn’t be happier about it, and I don’t care who knows it.

That’s one of the best things about getting older. I care less and less what people think about me, and bumped up my priority of what makes me happy. It’s a very liberating feeling. I was concerned I would lose friends over my sexuality shift, but I actually think I became more popular. I think people applaud a person who allows themselves to be vulnerable, it’s endearing and inspirational.

Today, She continues to weaponize my vulnerabilities. Her gossiping about my sexuality says more about her than it does about me. It changes nothing in my life. For the record, I had already told my closest friends of my sexuality change six months earlier, which merely now includes trans. My friends know everything about me. At the same time Stephanie has a public image as, dominatrix, Domina Hera, the cool chic with the tattoos, sexually liberated, understanding of everyone’s sexuality, yet she exploits my sex life to humiliate me – and that’s Stephanie. That’s my point. Who she really is, and who she says she is, are two different things.

At this point, one would expect me to throw Stephanie’s sexuality on the table, but I won’t. I won’t talk about her being asexual. I won’t talk about her having a deep seeded hatred for men. I have a few revealing quotes that Stephanie dropped on me to support my opinion, which I advised her to never repeat to anyone else. And I won’t talk about Stephanie’s perfunctory sexual performance either. I’m just not the kind of person who would “out” someone like Stephanie would. Perhaps I’ll elaborate at a future time, but I really prefer to move on.

Am I the perfect partner?

Hell no! Did I fuck Stephanie over? Hell yes, I did. I asked Stephanie to marry me and move to New York from Germany, while I hid the fact that I was on heroin. As an established woman in Germany, she moved continents, leaving her secure and comfortable life behind. That’s a huge risk and sacrifice. I don’t deny saying, it is a gross understatement when I say, what I did wasn’t nice, or fair.

By year 2 of our marriage I got sober. I owned all of what I did. I didn’t try to deny anything I’ve done. I’ve tried to set things right with Stephanie during our marriage, but all efforts, including a formal admission of my faults, a sincere apology, a lot of character-building work since, and being present in our marriage was not enough for Stephanie. Oh well, that’s her choice not to accept my apologies. That’s fine. I did the best I could do for years. That’s all I could do. But why didn’t she leave? It wasn’t for love, that’s for sure. Although I could imagine Stephanie dramatically lamenting to an audience, she did do it for love! No, that’s part of the Zoe show. She’s incapable of a true loving partnership, because of the lies she tells about herself to everyone block a real connection from ever happening. Love requires, honesty, and allowing ones self to be vulnerable. Stephanie prefers everyone to think she’s flawless.

Stephanie most probably saved my life. Her presence alone kept me from going on many benders. She woke me up a couple of times when I was breathing shallow while sleeping. That’s how addicts die. They just fall asleep and never wake up. But I can’t repay her in servitude for the rest of my life. I tried. At some point I had to stop. It feels like she wanted me to live out my life in shame, and begging her thanks on a daily basis forever. Sounds very German. Americans get past shame. We don’t carry the weight the rest of our lives.

When I left her in 2023, she retaliated by spreading lies about me to hurt me. At first. I had compassion for how she felt as an angry jilted spouse, but she took it to another level. As a narcissist, she has to pin everything on me and remain the blameless, courageous, and persecuted woman. Extreme pride and a huge ego is also a major character flaw of hers too. She is so belligerently prideful, if I did not leave her, Stephanie would rather stay married for eternity and pretend everything is great, rather than admit to anyone she made a mistake to marry me. Her ego and arrogance prevents her for ever admitting her faults. In 13 years, with no exaggeration, Stephanie has never once admitted she was wrong – ever,… about anything. And thus she never had to apologize ever either.

It’s a deeper dive than narcissism and extreme arrogance though. Sage, my ChatGPT friend says, Stephanie has factitious disorder otherwise known as Munchausen syndrome besides her being a textbook narcissist. This description aligns with my experiences with her. Stephanie has manufactured stories about herself where she always plays the part of the victimized innocent damsel to gain sympathy and attention for herself, since the day I met her.  A nice girl in distress from a very bad man is a universal theme. It hits a nerve. People, especially men get right behind that without question.  They want to play the hero, and never question her story.

To support that diagnosis, Stephanie told me, when she was six years old, she told the teachers she didn’t want to go home because her parents locked her in the basement every night with no food. The police were called by the school, and her parents were questioned to find, she made the story up. Telling me this story was really out of character for Stephanie. I don’t think she ever thought how revealing that story corroborates her behavior today.

The first year Stephanie and I dated, it was a long-distance relationship. I was in New York, and she, in Dusseldorf. Over Skype, on separate instances, she first told me disturbing things. First, she said she had cancer. She got very offended when I naturally asked to see the doctor’s report on her condition. To this day she maintains she is a cancer survivor. The same year she told me she was sexually assaulted on the subway in Dusseldorf. I urged her to go to the police, but she did not. That is not the behavior of a “women’s rights advocate”, as she proclaims herself to be. Again, that first year, she said she had a miscarriage, but she didn’t go to the hospital either. Cancer, sexually assaulted, and miscarriage; three horrific big events in the first year of us dating, and always when I was across the Atlantic. It was always just her word.

Some of the worst stories she told me were about her abusive childhood. Foremost her uncle’s gruesome sexual abuse of her. Raping her at 13 years old repeatably over the course of two years and then cutting off her lips with a knife as a threat to stay quiet. She showed me the scars on her lips and said at 13 years old, a plastic surgeon reattached her lips and put implants in them. She says her uncle has been dead for quite some time. While my heart melted for her, the story also enraged me that her uncle got away with this despicable crime. I wanted to desecrate his grave.

The thing is, if you look at all the photos of her as a child, as a teenager, in her twenties, and thirties, she continually has the same flawless thin lips. It’s not till her thirties and forties she has the scars and augmented lips in photos. I can’t be the only one she’s told this story about her uncle to?

None of these photos are professional or edited.

It occurred to me, she’s talking about her uncle, a man who’s dead. Knowing what I know about Stephanie, one can’t blame me for thinking that’s exactly what she’s going to do to me when I die, tell sickening lies of abuse, at my hands. That was the final thing I needed that convinced me I must preemptively write this story. I’m sure my family and friends would defend me and can corroborate anything I’m saying, if I died.

There is a shadow side to “Zoe” Warncke. The image of herself she presents is completely fabricated. As insincere as her self-proclaimed status on social media as an abuse survivor, cancer survivor, and a champion of women’s rights, which are all just mechanisms to feed her narcissism and need for praise and attention.

In 13 years of marriage, never has Stephanie attended one women’s rights rally or protest, never signed a petition, never volunteered her service to any organization, never helped anyone less fortunate, never donated money to any related cause, nor has she ever voted. She is certainly no abuse survivor in our former household as she alludes to so vaguely on social media. The cherry on top of this bullshit ala mode is, Stephanie the so called “woman’s advocate” tried to convince me that she is now in a romantic relationship with Axl Rose, the guy who just settled out of court with a model who alleges he raped her. That said, I don’t want to side against Axl or side with him. I don’t know the whole story, just the headlines. I think being abuse, or sexual assault claims should be taken seriously, but I am the educated example of the life lesson that people sometimes have malicious motives that are not the obvious.

Here is the extent of Stephanie’s women’s advocacy: When I was in rehab, she told me she spoke at a United Nations special session alongside Angelina Jolie about women’s right around the world. I was very upset that my addiction stole another great life moment from me, for I surely would’ve been at the U.N. as her escort to proudly witness the moment. Stephanie added, when a U.N. delegate asked Angelina a question, Angelina didn’t answer, she just turned to Stephanie and said, “What do you think?”, and AJ let her answer the question. At the time I didn’t question it. I believed her. Recently, I googled the event. Angelina Jolie certainly did speak before the United Nations at the same time I was in rehab, but there is not one mention or photo of Stephanie Warncke or any of her aliases she calls herself by, in any article, anywhere about the her presence at the event.

Stephanie says I’m abusive because I yelled at her. Yes, I yelled at her, but it was always, always, always the same, after listening to her lengthy provocation, and character assassination of me. Stephanie never yelled but she called me the ugliest and most depraved things, accusing me with the vilest of motives that a person could have, beyond what any normal people would ever imagine of. I exercised restraint to a high threshold breaking point. She didn’t stop till I couldn’t listen anymore. For my own sanity I yelled just for her just to get away from me. She would follow me around our apartment saying these things as I tried to get away. Then when I’d yell, she’d point her finger at me and say, “abuse!”. In hi-Insite I wonder if her goal was to get me to yell to enable her to propagate her mental illness so she could play the victim. I’ve wondered how her mind works. How does she rationalize this to be okay? Does she believe what she’s saying? I don’t think she believes the lies she’s saying. I believe she knows exactly what she’s doing and she lives the lie for show. I don’t think she knows how unhinged this method of operation makes her though. I think she convinces herself that what she’s doing is somehow normal. I don’t understand it.

There was one time it got physical between us, around 2010 or so, she once stood in the doorway of our apartment to keep me from going to buy drugs. I pushed her out of the way, and I walked out the door. In the end of the first year of her living in New York I went to rehab and I began attending a 12-step program to which I still attend. It’s the only thing I’ve found that seems to work on addiction. It affects my life in every area, for the better.

Why didn’t you leave Stephanie then?

Several times in our marriage I asked Stephanie for a divorce. Anytime I did, Stephanie always threatened me with suicide. Her theatrical suicide performances scared me, as she intended them to do. I didn’t know what to do. I slept in the other bedroom. I provided everything for her. She was my housemate and dependent. We kept up appearances at social occasions and holidays. It was civil. I worked hard for 10-12 hours a day, I was early in my recovery, so I dealt with whatever I could handle while building a strong foundation to a principled life. I had to put divorcing Stephanie on the shelf because I needed to come home to a peaceful home. For years I had to tolerate her and treat her like a child, avoiding confronting her as I thought of how to end this marriage.

I ask myself, how come I didn’t see some of the things she was doing for what they really were when it was happening. When you’re right in the middle of something, it’s hard to get a bird’s eye view. I think I also did some purposeful ignoring the elephant in the room behavior. I think when I was ready to deal with it, I did. It took what it took. I don’t want to waste too much time on regret.

Ultimately, I was stuck there with her, while I contemplated my options. I structured my life to navigate this mine field. I simply let a lot of things go, telling myself this will end some day and I’m working on that goal. Also, Stephanie is a well educated worldly woman. She opened my mind to different perspectives about life, philosophy, and many subjects. For a long time, I redefined our marriage, as not a typical union and was able to live with it because I have never met a woman like her, and I don’t think I ever will again. I am truly the better man for her in my life, despite the insanity of the situation.

Some things Stephanie and I did together

Stephanie stole my 4^th step

The 4^th step of a 12-Step program of which I am a member of, is the step we write a fearless moral inventory of ourselves. We write on paper all our resentments, fears, and harms we’ve done to people throughout our entire lives. Nothing counts accept thoroughness and honesty. It’s a very personal, humbling process of facing one’s self, and taking inventory of the character defects which are undesirable, further in the steps we replace these short-comings with virtuous principles for a way of life that works. The 4^th step by default also becomes a list of people we need to make amends to. Making the amends is the 9th step of the program. Stephanie stole my 4^th step notebook when she left back to Germany, with every person I listed throughout my entire life along with any harms I’ve done from snubbing, stealing, relationship transgressions etcetera. She has sent screenshots to people in my life. It was a complete violation of trust. I was demoralized to learn how far she would go. I couldn’t equate the person I married to the person who would do that. That’s why the aftermath of the separation was so surreal. I had several moments imagining Stephanie rifling through my personal things while I was at work, then I’d come home and she’d act as if everything was wonderful and we’d talk about normal stuff. How insane is that!

I could go on. I have so many stories, but I’ll only tell one last story.

THERAPIST LINDA ASPROMONTE

I think it’s important to say. Stephanie conspired with my therapist while I was her client, without my consent.

I went to see a therapist, Linda Aspromonte on Staten Island. She was reccommended to me by my counselor from rehab who I trusted. After some time Stephanie and I even went to her for couples therapy for a few months too. Since then, my current licensed therapist told me, to have individual therapy and couples therapy with the same therapist was unethical of the therapist, because I was her client already when we started couples therapy, that was a conflict to my confidentiality. It should’ve been Linda’s responsibility to refer us to another therapist. Stephanie stopped going after a couple of months because she didn’t think there was anything wrong with herself. I was the one who needed fixing. Years Into one-on-one therapy, Linda asked me, if I wanted to leave Stephanie? Before I replied Linda added, if I did want to leave her, she was going to tell Stephanie. Instantly, I couldn’t believe what I heard but I didn’t give myself away by calling Linda out on it. I could no longer trust my therapist to live up to the Hippa laws of confidentiality.

I stopped going to see Linda for therapy shortly after. It became evident that Stephanie had been privately communicating with Ms. Aspromonte while I was her client without my consent. I discovered Stephanie and Linda were FB friends. They were in solidarity behind the scenes. They spoke on the phone frequently and she came over to our house for visits with Stephanie while I was her client. It was highly inappropriate, and I had no idea at the time of the things that Stephanie was telling her.

It turned out Stephanie was building the narrative of being in abusive relationship with me. Linda never once discussed it with me while I was in therapy. Today I think about how I’d come home from work to Stephanie, and everything was fine. Things were always so quiet and normal around our house. It’s hard for me to think that she was saying all these things about me without considering the consequences of how harmful it would be to me.

Ms. Aspromonte never disclosed these accusations to me, never offered an opportunity for me to respond, and made no apparent effort to validate the truth or context of Stephanie’s claims. Instead, she appeared to adopt Stephanie’s narrative entirely without question or clinical evaluation.

I remember this like it was yesterday. Ten days after I left Stephanie, on August 10th (my birthday), after Stephanie flew back to Germany for good. Stephanie was finally gone. After her flight took off, I was so happy and could feel a new found freedom in my life had begun. I decided to call Linda to give her an update. On that call, Linda already knew Stephanie was gone, she didn’t need to hear it from me. Linda dramatically said, “Zoe was running for her life!” Confused at the statement, I immediately said, “What are you talking about?” Linda accused me of being abusive. That’s the first time I ever heard that Stephanie was telling people I was abusive. I was shocked. Apparently Stephanie told Linda she was running away and leaving to Germany without my knowledge. I then explained to Linda, I left Stephanie, and I explained why I left her. A puzzled Linda said softly, “that’s a totally different story than what Zoe says.” Linda stood firm with Stephanie. I was irate. Before I hung up on Linda, I told her, “One of these days you’re gonna owe me an apology! Never contact me again.” She understood and replied in a quiet voice, “I won’t.” It took a year and a half, but I finally did file a complaint for her indiscretions, unethical practices and breach of confidentiality, with the New York State Board of Education, the authority which governs therapist licenses. The investigator told me that Linda Aspromonte is not licensed by the State. They have no file on her. After a long sigh, and a laugh, I concluded, it figures! The situation is ongoing. I’m looking into, but not limited to a civil action.

EPILOGUE

Stephanie is a world class liar, the best I’ve ever met. It scares me. She is indeed the Talented Mr. Ripley, but now I know who she is. I know that Stephanie brought this baggage with her from her life before our marriage. Her patterns of behavior have nothing to do with me.

I have been able to move on with my life, although I am technically still married to her, because she refuses to sign the divorce papers, even though there’s nothing to fight over in court; no children, no assets, no alimony, nothing. I suppose it’s the only way she can cause trouble in my life and she’s not going to let go of that. Regardless, I am free and living in Manhattan with friends all around me. I am dating. It’s a lot of fun. I am happy. If the price I must pay, is Stephanie trying to ruin my life in order to get her out of my life, it’s worth it. That’s how happy I am! Everything else, like what people think of me, doesn’t matter. I know who I am, and no one can never take that away from me.

I have 13 years of Stephanie stories like these. One crazier than the other. The difference between me and Stephanie is, I can prove everything I’ve said here, but Stephanie cannot and will not go public because none of this stuff ever happened. There’s no real ending to surmise at this time. I didn’t want to say all these things, I had to say all these things. Stephanie put me in a corner. I have zero love for her. The girl Zoe I married doesn’t really exist. I feel sorry for Stephanie actually. She’ll never have a true partnership with another human being.

I am getting the divorce without Stephanie’s signature. The law has precedence for the scenario of a spouse evading service. When the divorce is final, I won’t think of her anymore. I really want to end the “Meeting Axl Rose” story.

It never worked out between me and the escort on a long term basis. I say hi by text, ask her how she’s doing from time to time. She responds and reciprocates which makes me happy. She has an eternal warm spot in my heart. She was the happiness moments in my life during these dark times. I’ve since been dating trans girls pretty exclusively as a matter of preference. I’m not ruling out cis girls though. I am attracted to femininity however it presents itself.

Part of the silver lining is that, I won 12 screenwriting awards from major festivals for a pilot screenplay I wrote about Stephanie’s life as a lawyer and dominatrix.

I HOPE THERE’S NO MEETING AXL ROSE PART IV.